A Silly Kingdom Hearts Story
by Lady Stardust
Summary: Axel comes over to my house and we use his magic to invent stupid stories that end up coming to life. Lots of ridiculous jokes, and a bit of flirting between the boys of KH. Well, maybe more than a little at times. You've been warned!
1. Chapter 1

The phone rings, it's Axel again, boy, he bothers me a lot. He's always calling me because the only way for him to get away from his crazy friends and have some peace and quiet is to come over to my house (and then get into a ton of trouble with me, of course). So every day it typically goes like this: Axel wants to come over to get away from the crazies, and then the crazies find him and hang out at my place, too. Who are the crazies? Well, of course he has his group from Kingdom Hearts, but he has a lot of other friends, too. He's a very popular guy, basically because everyone can give him hell and he just sits there with a sarcastic grin on his face and takes it while muttering something really funny under his breath. That's Axel for you.

Before we get into any stories about what Axel and I have been up to lately, I should really emphasize that the Kingdom Hearts, or technically the Kingdom of Hearts, that Axel comes from in this story is actually a lot bigger than is commonly thought. It's headed by Ariraona, also known as Ra. Yes, that Ra. If you've seen Stargate then you know who he is. But to describe him quickly, he is the Top of Everything, meaning the God of All Gods, the God of Sun, Light, and Everything In-between, Around and Through. Axel is one of his best friends.

Anyway, getting back to Ra, or Rara as he's known by his friends, I should point out that he's a lot less intimidating-looking than you might expect. He has long black hair down to his ankles and wears a lot of very fashionable jewelry. He spends his time inventing imaginary friends that end up becoming people on Earth, and so that's how Axel came to be. Incidentally, it would seem that all of Rara's friends are rock-star "wannabes" with awesome hair and wild personalities. This is the way Rara likes it because he's basically a big Egyptian rockstar wannabe himself. Rara has infinite magical and cosmic power. He can make himself into anything he wants, so all of his friends are his own creations out of himself. Unfortunately, that means Rara's inner sense of ridiculousness is carried through to all of his friends in some way or another.

Rara has a bit of a multiple personality problem, actually, and this is something that comes with the territory of being God. That is, he can see himself as anything, so he experiments with different looks and styles to keep himself interesting. Being God would be boring otherwise.

There are a lot of friends in this story who were invented just for fun by Rara. I will introduce them as they come into the picture. Welcome to my life, the life of hanging out with Rara and his gang of crazies.

Getting back to what I was saying at the beginning of this story, Axel is coming over because he needs to have some personal space. The poor guy can't get away from people storming after him for autographs and pictures. He hides out with me. To pass the time we use his magic abilities to invent our own little fantasy shorts to see what happens when we let our creative minds wander. We're currently working on one called the Island of Hell. Let's get into this one.

Picture an isolated tropical island. Actually, there are two islands separated by a deep strip of water filled with flesh-eating piranhas. On one island, an entire football team is stranded

due to an unfortunate plane crash that could have been partial inspiration for the TV show LOST if it wasn't for the fact that no one wants to watch a show about a bunch of stinky, smelly men trapped on an island. On the other island, Rara is stranded with Axel, Saix, Jareth (basically, David Bowie with fantastic hair), and me. I'm just some girl Rara invented to amuse himself endlessly. So yes, that's the Island of Hell set-up, folks. Before we continue, you should know that Saix pictures himself to be a very effeminate and charming blue-eyed beauty with long sexy white hair and bangs that he often flips nonchalantly with his fingertips. Oh, and he's kind of on the short side, too. Anyway, he's very pretty and the football team on the other island wants Sexi (Saix's nickname) all to themselves. So basically that's how this story goes.

Time passes and everyone starts to go a bit crazy. There isn't any food except for very strange-looking coconuts and tiny rodents. Axel has too good of a heart to eat a mouse but can't seem to get the thought of a burger out of his mind. So he starts carrying a mouse around in his pocket and licks it occasionally for the taste of protein. The rest of us just stick to coconuts, except for Jareth who licks his own hair just to remember the taste of something other than coconuts. Of course, the coconuts are poisonous and cause everyone to start to hallucinate that Richard Simmons is running around the island in very glamorous 80s exercise sweats. Axel, however, thinks it's Xena the Warrior Princess that's running around the island instead of Richard Simmons. This leads everyone to have some strongly worded arguments about who is actually circumnavigating the place every hour on the hour (it's the only way to tell time on an island, didn't you know that?). Incidentally, we believe it was the combination of mouse hair and coconut fibers that made Axel see such a strange vision. Now, seeing Richard Simmons is completely normal under these trying conditions, but seeing Xena...not so much.

To bring the story of the Island of Hell to a close, just know that Sexi is eventually kidnapped by the troupe of smelly football players and dragged kicking and scratching across the ocean to their domain. He was kicking and scratching primarily to keep the piranhas at bay, but the football players just thought he was being flirtatious. Once he is escorted back to their island, the football players decide to lay out their wares to see if Sexi is willing to trade himself for anything that they have. The football players have tons of gadgets from their crashed plain, including a microwave oven and a refrigerator with no door that doesn't work, of course. This, however, does not impress Sexi. In other words, no sale. So Saix spends six days straight calling over across the ocean to the rest of his gang, "help me Rhonda, help help me Rhonda". Saix has a very sultry voice that turns everyone on, making his escape from the nightmarish, overly manly-man-type group of football players all the more interesting.

Finally, Rara can't bear to hear one more repeat of Help Me, Rhonda. So, he takes pity on Sexi and calls to his giant flying pyramid (he is Ra after all) to swoop down from beyond and beam everyone back up to where they came from, leaving the football players befuddled as to the sudden disappearance of the Kingdom Hearts guys and gal. After his departure, the football players realize that Sexi wasn't a girl after all, and therefore wouldn't work out very well as a cheerleader. They decide that they'd rather just sit around and drink warm beer from the fridge that doesn't work, smoke some seaweed, and discuss their tax returns. Yep, Saix really dodged a bullet this time.

This has been an example of what Axel and I do on a daily basis. We invent stories that come to life on their own. Scary, isn't it? Terrifying, actually.


	2. Chapter 2

So now that the Island of Hell tale has basically been allowed to crawl along the ground, gasp a few times, and die a slow and painful death, this story can move along. Before getting into the next mini adventure, I suppose that I could provide some additional descriptions of the characters involved. Axelana (Axel is his nickname) is pretty much a walking stick, that is, he's so skinny he probably worries about slipping down the shower drain. Due to his red hair and lithe structure, he is sometimes referred to as Ginger by his closest friends. As I mentioned, he is best friends with Rara, so wherever Axel goes Rara tends to follow. That's exactly how our next story got started; Rara followed Axel into an elevator. And now for, "The Elevator That Doesn't Work, Expletive".

Actually, the entire gang of Kingdom Hearts needed to get into an elevator to go back to their rooms on the twelfth floor of a swanky hotel. It had been a long night of performing as magicians and rock stars and they were all bone tired. Yes, that means that (in no particular order), the following people trudged into a rather nicely decorated but somewhat outdated elevator: Demi (Demyx), Zaldi (Xaldin, pronounced EXaldin), Xigi (Xigbar, pronounced XigAbar), Lushii (Marluxia, pronounced MarLEWShaa), Leshe (Zexion, pronounced Leshion), Vexi (Vexen, pronounced Vexsein), Luxi (Luxord), Lexi (Lexaeus), Xemi (Xemnas, spelled Zemnas), Sexi (Saix), and Axel (Axelana, that is). Please note that everyone is overly picky about the way their names sound and are spelled, so don't get it messed up or someone will come after you. Got it memorized? Good. So anyway, all of these people were trudging into an elevator as Rara came running down the hall.

"Hold the door for me, will you?" Exclaimed Rara. Of course, everyone in the elevator was happily ready to ascend to their floor where their beds were calling them to sleep. They didn't want to wait for Rara but figured that since he is Ra and all, they would do him a favor and hold the door. Needless to say, there wasn't much room left in the elevator for anything or anyone after the bad boys of Kingdom Hearts got themselves squished in comfortably. Zaldi had already started humming merrily along with the pleasant instrumental radio playing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" in the background. So Rara forced himself in between Axel and Vexen and waited for the door to close.

As the door closed, Demi muttered "Gee, I hope we don't get stuck or something, Rara". Rara would have turned to give him a dirty look but there was not enough room to breathe, let alone make faces. The elevator quietly and efficiently began to carry the crew up to their floor.

"I'm sure it will be fine, it'll just take two minutes and we'll be back in our rooms, ok, guys?" Rara said in his typical quiet and calm voice.

Axel, who was closest to the button panel, began making fake-out motions towards the emergency brake, which annoyed Rara. So he shoved Axel. Hard. Into the wall. And Axel shoved back. And then a weird noise was heard. It sort of sounded like a clunk followed by a pausing of the elevator's smooth climbing.

Everyone looked at each other for a moment, and then Demi said, "Thanks a lot, Rara."

At this point everyone tried to remain calm, especially Sexi, who hates enclosed spaces. To cope with his anxiety, he did what his therapist recommended and turned around to face the back wall and breathe in his own space for ten breaths. Meanwhile, Axel started clawing at the door over Rara's head.

"Nobody panic," whispered Leshe. "I'm sure we will be found...sometime." He added, with overly dramatic emphasis placed on the word _sometime_.

"Shut up and kick something," Muttered Axelana. He was no longer scratching at the door but kicking the base of the carpeting.

There were a few moments of quiet scuffling and clearing of throats. Then the power went out.

"Oh ****", Someone said. "Now look what you've done, Axel."

"It wasn't me, it was HIM." Axel whined back, referring, of course, to Rara.

Rara had to object at that point. "Well sorry everyone, I am after all the leader here. And I don't weigh that much. And what is that stink?" He figured that changing the subject would probably help him to get out of trouble with the gang that he was stuck with in an elevator..._ in the dark_.

"Can I turn around yet?" Sexi's soft voice could be heard above the arguing.

"No!" At least three members of the team responded in unison. Only Demyx said, "Yes." and then quickly changed his mind to, "Um, on second thought, maybe you'd better not. Things could get ugly." And he turned around to face Saix and the back corner of the elevator for his own personal space.

That's when Lushii's voice could be heard saying, "That's not your hand, is it?"

"No, it's my..." Vexen replied in his sexy voice. "Belt buckle! Now leave me alone and figure out what to do, Pinkie!" He was clearly kidding but he sounded a little upset. That's just how Vexen sounds. You get used to it.

Then the power came back on. Zemi and Zaldi were in a liplock. That ended quickly once the lights turned on.

Lushii turned to Vexen and said, "See, that's what pretty boys do in elevators when the power goes out, what's your excuse?" Then he grabbed Vexen and pinned him against the wall, preparing to kiss him.

"Oh, brother," Commented Xigi. Although he secretly wished it was him.

Axel groaned and pushed the twelfth floor button again and again, beating his head against the wall with every push. Rara tried to use his magic to get the door open. In other words, he pretty much begged the door to open with all of this might. The door didn't listen.

Then the power went out again. And Sexi once again went into a nervous panic and used another piece advice from his therapist to cope. That is, he started singing his panic song, "Help Me, Rhonda". So, to help Sexi, everyone stopped what they were doing for about three seconds and sang along. It was completely off key and horrible to the ears but it was helpful to Saix and thus was helpful to everybody. Good therapy is helpful not only to you but to those around you. Or so says Saix.

Meanwhile, something funny was being whispered in the back of the elevator between Demyx and Lexaeus. That got Sexi giggling, and when he giggles, everyone else does too, because his laugh is infectious. It especially hit Rara and caused him to crack up into his weird Egyptian laugh. Axel groaned again and stomped the floor.

"What a lovely fix you've gotten us into," Complained Vexen. "If we would have left without you, we'd be back in our rooms getting ready for bed, ahem...Making sparks fly." And as he said that, the whole place lit up from the light that traveled up his face and hair like lightning. That's one of his special powers, by the way; the power to control electricity. In this eerie glow, Vexi made a suggestive look towards Marluxia. Lushii rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You know what, you two?" Rara said. "Just...cool it for five minutes, will you?"

"Do the world a favor and get a room!" Yelled Sexi. Then he thought about what he had just said. "Oh wait...Never mind."

"I can't breathe in here," Luxord cried. "It smells like little happy flower people. In other words, it smells like Lushii. What the heck do you shower with, Lushii, Eau de Flower Meadow? I need to get out of here. I swear I will get whoever says the next thing, regardless of what it is that they say. I will get them. Get them!" Obviously, he was not coping well with being jammed into a space built for at maximum eight people of reasonable size that was instead being occupied by an entire clan of exhausted and in some cases, very turned on, Organization 13 members.

No one listened, and for the next five minutes the only sounds that could be heard were Rara's giggling, Axel's groaning, Lushii's sighing, and Vexen's flirting. Then things calmed down for a little while. Incidentally, the gang had been in the elevator for about six minutes total, so far.

"I have to pee really bad." Rara muttered. "I really wish I didn't take this **** elevator."

"Thanks for reminding me," Complained Demi. "I thought we'd be back in our rooms asleep by now. Instead I'm stuck here with you all. How terrifically ironic. Try to be more social and what do you get?"

"I'll keep that in mind for future references," Leshe (Zexion's nickname, remember?) stated dryly. It should be known that Demi and Leshe are hang-out buddies. Demi is very outgoing and Zexion tags along. It's a running joke to the gang that Leshe needs to learn to be more laid back (because he is actually about as laid back as you can get, but makes fun of other people by being dark and scary-sounding).

"As will I, that is, if we get to see any future at all." Axel added. Axelana is known for his dripping sarcasm. And he is also known for being a cheerful addition to any circumstance where groaning in annoyance is required. He excels at it.

It got very quiet for about two minutes. And then the power came back on. Once again, Zaldi was liplocking with someone. That someone was Axel. Figures.

"Well, the power's back on. Maybe now we can get out of here!" Sexi commented, eyeing Axel and Zaldi. "And will you two knock it off? There are children present." Of course, he meant Demi. And Leshe. And himself.

Then, something suddenly dawned on Rara. "Couldn't you have done something with your electric hair to fix the elevator, Vexie?" He asked as the elevator slowly started to climb again. "Maybe we could have gotten out of here earlier if you would have tried to fix it instead of making kissy faces at Marluxia the whole time."

"You know, it may have worked, but then I wouldn't have had that personal time with my dear friend MarLUCKSIA that I just had." Vexie said evilly, and Rara realized that the elevator was actually under Vexen's mind control.

"I've warned you, call me MarLUCKsia again and taste my revenge, and now you've got it coming!" Growled Lushii under his breath. He really liked being called that by Vexen, but didn't want to let on. "Of all the heinous, inconsiderate and despicable plans you've devised Vexen, this has by far been one of the worst. I will never forget this, mark my words. Try and take advantage of me, will you? Well, we'll just see about that!" And he quickly cast his spell of hypnotic enchantment on Vexen, who would become his slave of passion for the rest of the evening. "Revenge has been served, and it tastes ever so sweet."

"Open, open, open, please in the name of all things holy, open," cried Axel as he clawed at the door again. And it opened...thanks to Axel, I guess.

You would think that everyone would have jumped out of the elevator at that point, after all that had occurred. But no, not the cool-headed guys of Organization 13. Everyone regained their composure and walked confidently out of the elevator, one by one, and headed toward their separate rooms.

Everyone, that is, except for Lushii and Vexen, who stayed behind in the corner of the elevator for one more trip. And that's the way things go in the land of Kingdom Hearts.


	3. Chapter 3

So, now that we've trudged through two of our wonderful stories, let's get back to a few details about the gang so that our next story is all the more enjoyable. It's time to pick on Xigi, our hero of "I Love You, Vine". I know that the title of this story sounds irresistible, but really, we ought to describe Xigi first, so you'll have to be patient for two seconds. In his spare time between hanging out with his best friend Zaldi and talking geek (they are both RPGers, those _nerrrrds_), Xigy imagines himself to be an elf king like Elrond. He has a pretty little crossbow that he carries on his back and is very good at bulls-eyeing keese when he plays Zelda, so you can imagine his perfection when he uses his crossbow for real. Ok, thanks for your patience. It was...breathtaking.

And now on to our tale, "I Love You, Vine", a Xigi story that seems to focus on Axel because _everything_ _always_ seems to focus on Axel (he's that type of guy). The KH gang finds themselves in the midst of a forest from a land similar to a Myst game. There are trees all around that are really tall with a lot of vines hanging down from them. The vines almost look like skinny snakes with leaves on them.

Axel was hungry, as usual. So, he (rudely?) yanked down one of the vines, which twitched violently, then grabbed onto his arm and slithered up it.

"Hi, vine." He exclaimed with an attempt to remain calm, but really he wasn't. "Do you want to play now?" He added as it slid up to his elbow and started to hang on very, VERY tightly. I should add that when Axel is in a weird mood he talks like a preschooler. The vine then released a strange semi-translucent sparkling substance on his arm and let go, falling to the forest floor with a distinct whine. I guess it kicked the bucket.

"Oh, well," Axel commented in a carefree tone of voice. Axel exceeds all expectations when it comes to flakiness. All he could think about was how hungry he was. So, he decided to see if the glowing slime was edible. Yes, I know I promised that Xigi was our hero for this story, but it will take a while to get to that part because first Axel has to do something really stupid. It's a requirement of being Axel. So, here we go: Axie licked the vine slime off of his jacket.

"That tastes kind of interesting," said Axel to his companions in his typical silly sing-song voice. They all looked at him like he was crazy. "No really, it sort of does." And then Axel picked up the vine and started chomping on the end. Meanwhile, Rara also plucked a vine and examined it, giving Axel a you're-out-of-your-mind look. The vine crawled up his neck, squeezing and choking him until finally it withered and died, leaving the weird slimy gunk on him, too. So naturally, Rara tasted it.

Suddenly, Axel felt like something was stinging his tongue repeatedly. "I don't like this game anymore," mumbled Axie. But he kind of did, in truth. It's fun to play with mother nature. Sexi then noticed that some weird stuff was coming out of the corners of Axel's eyes and also noted the strange "yikes" sounds Rara was making as his tongue got stung by the vine gunk.

"I see pretty, pretty lights," Axel said. "OOOOoooo..." The rest of the gang was a bit concerned as Axel's eyes were starting to turn into sparkly glowing white lights. And so was his tongue. "I feel a little concerned." He added, understating as usual.

"Me, too," Rara attempted to keep his Egyptian voice calm. That didn't last very long. "YAHH!" He exclaimed as he noticed that his hair felt creepy-crawly with slime. He pulled out one of his hairs only to find that the hair did a vine maneuver, that is, it wiggled violently and then wrapped itself around his hand, tensed up, and died, leaving weird slime in its place.

"This is probably a bad sign, I would think." Said Rara. "Yeah, great move, Axel."

"Well, just because _I_ was hungry doesn't mean_ you_ had to go and tryyyy –" And then suddenly a vine grew out of Axie's back and attached itself to the treetops, yanking him up into the canopy. And Rara had the same thing happen, too. Xaldi and Xigi thought that was pretty funny and rolled around on the ground laughing. Sexi stood there in disbelief, and then started singing to himself again, "Oh, ohhhh Sheila". It consoles him, we swear!

Well, it was pretty quiet for a few minutes as Axel and Rara were up in the tree tops. And then the vines decided to group attack and plucked up everyone else into the trees as well. More silence. Then one could hear Axel say, "I love you, vine." Then there was some giggling. And some "oh, YES!" and "oh, MY!" sounds. And then a few screams. Then, slowly, all of the KH boys were lowered down out of the treetops covered in vines and some weird, stringy, white, crystal-y, sparkly, gooey stuff.

"Wheeeee!" Said Axel, as he and the other boys went swinging back and forth in the vines like prey waiting to be eaten by who-knows-what. Axel continued to attempt to kiss the vines and woo them into love and care for all of eternity. The vines were disinterested in his feeble lovemaking skills. (Oh, really, he's a tiger, we all know it, but vines don't seem to get it.) Then, the vines threw all of the boys about thirty feet into the air and across the forest like a giant sneeze would blow some icky boogers away from a nose. We really can turn a phrase, can't we?

Rara slowly got up, realizing that for some odd reason he was transforming into a plant. And so was Axie, who still loved the vine even though it tossed him aside like a lonely piece of lettuce out of a vine salad. Nothing gets Axel down, he is very tenacious when he is in love.

Sitting up was a little difficult for Xigi, as he was completely covered from head to toe in vine residue. Xaldi found this to be extraordinarily funny and just stayed on the ground laughing and pointing. "Hey, tree! You stink!" He screamed up to the canopy, which opened up and dropped a weird vine at him, pulling him back in.

This process of randomly getting pulled into trees and swung around and felt up by vines went on for a while for the group. Every time they could make a break for it, Axel insisted on going back to find out more about the vine for which he was beginning to really have a soft spot in his heart. He was learning the ways of vine lovemaking and didn't want to leave yet. We'll leave that to your imagination.

So, up and down and all around they went in the forest of the vines. "I like this game," Axel commented to the vines, a line he tends to say way too often.

"Yes, YOU WOULD," The group replied in between lifts.

The Weird-o-Meter went even higher when the gang was fortunate enough to briefly meet some faces in the bark of the trees above the canopy. The faces apparently speak only tree, which made the encounter rather awkward for everyone involved. Luckily, Axel thinks that he can speak a little tree (insert rolling of eyes by the rest of the gang), so he boldly tried to get on the good side of the faces by introducing himself.

This attempt was met with a giant spitting of more vine slime. Apparently, Axel peeved the trees off with his greeting (kissing sounds). The gang was then twirled around a bit and dropped to the forest floor (Not to be redundant, but Axel had to say it again: "I like this game!").

Finally, the trees descended their weapons: Hornet nests. And this is where my promise comes true, Xigi saved the day by remembering that he always has his crossbow with him whenever he goes out looking for trouble. He bulls-eyed the vines and hornet nests and the gang went running, except for Axel who stayed behind to continue to woo the vines with more kissing, as no one in the group wanted to give him the somethin' somethin' that he's used to getting six or seven times a day (in between lip-locking sessions with the sexy twins Marluxia and Vexen, of course). After being such a jerk and getting everyone into this mess, he deserved to entertain himself for a while. "Viiiiiiine..." Was the last sigh that the gang could hear. Axel was in his happy place.


	4. Chapter 4

Before we begin this next story we should take a moment to reflect on the personality of its main character, Saix, also known to the other guys as Sexi and occasionally to the girls, too. He fancies himself to be quite the playwright, and in his spare time composes works to the grand scale of Phantom of the Opera and Jesus Christ, Superstar, as well as lesser known works like Oops I Did It Again, The Musical (I know, that didn't go very far, did it?). Anyway, Sexi is a pretty, eccentric, little blonde thing that drives Vexen crazy deep into the night with his singing of catchy tunes. Singing is Sexi's therapy for his neurosis after being a play-writer for all of these years and not getting one iota of recognition, let alone any kind of glamorous award show appearances. We digress on that point.

So...getting back to this very short and awkward story of Sexi, by Sexi, and in Sexi's own words:

"I was standing on the corner waiting for the bus and I looked down. And then I forgot what I was doing. Let me think. Oh wait. I was standing on the corner waiting for the bus and I looked down and there was a piece of paper. Yes, I kind of think that was where I was going with this story. Ok, as I said, I was standing on a corner waiting for a bus and I looked down and there was a piece of paper. It was a receipt. A receipt for a watch. Someone lost their receipt, my goodness, so I looked up and couldn't find anyone around to give it back to. Meanwhile, the bus pulled away and left me on the corner with a receipt and no where to go but back home. So the next day, I was standing on the corner waiting for the bus and I tried and tried not to look down, but I couldn't help it, so I did, and I saw a piece of paper. And wouldn't you know it, I picked it up, and it was a candy bar wrapper. So, I thought to myself, what kind of litterbug would put their wrapper on the ground (Vexen?) instead of in the trash can right there about two and half steps away from where I found it. So, I went to put the wrapper in the trash bin and I realized that I missed the bus again because I wasn't paying attention to the road at all. So I flipped my hair and went back home. The next day I was standing on the corner waiting for the bus and I swore under my breath because I had looked down twice now and found a piece of paper and then missed the bus for random reasons. So I just stood there without looking at the ground, and the bus came up the street and I realized that I needed to go to the bathroom right then. So I turned around and went home. So the next day I was standing on the corner waiting for the bus, and I didn't look down, ok? I swear. I also made sure this time that I had gone to the bathroom before I went to the corner. That means I thought I was all set. Ok, fine, I lied, I even went out of my way to look down once just for the heck of it, because I wasn't afraid anything would stop my cold, hard determination to get on the bus. And at that point I was foiled because Richard Simmons pulled up in his car and said to me, "Hey, Sexi, what are you doing on the corner?" You see, we are friends, so I got in his car and we drove away and I decided I'd never go back to the corner again. Thank you."

That is all we have for this story, because Sexi and Richard finally got together for a long trip around the block, if you know what I mean. They're really interesting together, as you can imagine. We're not sure who is more flamboyant but we know they work well together choreographing the dance scenes to Sexi's plays, and on the side they're not bad at Jazzercise, either. That was a really interesting mental picture, we know and we apologize.


	5. Chapter 5

A door. It's round, small, red, and weird. Let me back up. This is Demy's worst nightmare, and it comes to you now in our next story. Be careful children, this one may scare you out of your little scrawny absent minds.

The Kingdom Hearts boys went to a fair once, and it was quite the experience. In their words, it was stinky and dilapidated, but the corn dogs were cheap and the rides were (more or less) in working order, so it was a date. Between Axel's hurling on the ferris wheel (one too many corn dogs, cheap as they were) and Vexen's commandeering of the Gravitron (screechy music, violent spinning, and flashing lights, no wonder he kept Marluxia in there for about an hour and a half), it was a very busy day. But all in all, it was a good day...until...

The boys found themselves in front of an old-fashioned, "rinky-dink"haunted house, made from old lumber that was probably lying around rotting away with no purpose until now. It was the kind of place that looked like someone's Uncle Filbert put it together for spare change to rip off the children in the neighborhood and fund his unmentionable habits. It fit in quite well at the fair.

Speaking of which, maybe we lied about the rides, because they were not quite as well-kept as previously implied. In actuality, they were as cheap as the corn dogs, or even as cheap as Vexen and Marluxia hanging out in the Gravitron for an hour and a half, and that is pretty cheap. In fact, the ferris wheel that Axel hurled off of was known to swing way more than needed, as it was missing a few bolts, and screws, and things that hold it together. Once Axie had gotten over hurling, he was quick to point out that if it had been put together by reasonable individuals he probably wouldn't have been forced to revisit the outhouses, which were scarier than any haunted house he could imagine. And yet the haunted house beckoned the rest of the gang, so he tagged along. That's a good Axie, good boy, good Axie.

So, the KH boys, including a semi-sick Axel, decided that a visit to a dilapidated fair wouldn't be complete without a trip through the creepy and disturbing haunted fun house. And it cost them $85 each because they were trying to make up for the cost of the long trip in the Gravitron by paying Uncle Filbert $83 extra per person so as to avoid being arrested for Vexen's little romp with Marluxia that they were all captives for. Needless to say, there was a lot of grumbling on that point, since it was Marluxia who should have paid the majority of the extra money to the fair since he was the one who kept Vexen in the Gravitron for twelve rides in a row (According to Vexen, since they never got out, they should have only had to pay for one ride's worth). Uncle Filbert disagreed. And, when you get into trouble at this fair, you deal with Uncle Filbert, of the Fair Mafia, as Luxord noted. So, once again, all the boys paid their $85 with no argument with Uncle Filbert whatsoever and went to hang out in the haunted house where Demy's nightmare began.

There was a little, round, red door at the end of the haunted house. It was scary to Demy because it was pointless, as you could just go around a corridor and walk out the haunted house or you could choose to stoop down and crawl out the tiny door. So why did it exist, he wondered...why? WHY?

So, Demy kept going back and forth through the corridor and around the back of the house and through the little door exclaiming, "WHY IS THERE A DOOR LIKE THIS AT ALL?" All the other guys were ready to leave, as the haunted house proved to be more scary as a possible fire hazard (gee, thanks, Uncle Filbert) than a "creepy haunted maze" as advertised in cheap paint on the front. But Demy was infinitely creeped out by the door. In fact, no one could pull him away from it, and they believed it was slowly driving him mad. It took about four hours before they were able to pull Demy from the door, not a minute too soon for them to bid adieu to Uncle Filbert's fantastic fair, as once again they were overstaying their welcome.

For several nights after this fateful encounter, and much to the gang's chagrin, Demy snuck out to revisit the door when the fair was closed, just to check in. He was convinced that it was the doorway to another dimension, one where a freaky little man could come out and says things to him like, "Keeeeeeeeep Ouuuuuuuuut" and "Lllllleeeeave my DOOOORRR aloneeeee". It got a little tiring hearing about "The Door", so the KH boys planned their revenge on poor and unsuspecting little Demy.

One night, they boys beat Demy to the fair and posted a little sign that read, "Deal with IT" on the door. Then, they waited in the shadows for Demy's arrival. When he arrived he noticed the tiny sign, as well as a few finishing touches provided by Vexie, like "Stay Away" scratched into the corner, through the paint, and highlighted in red, as if someone had used their fingernails to write that as their last message before being dragged through to another realm.

"AHHHH!" Demy screamed in his pre-pubescent voice. "There really is someone through that door, I knew it!" And he turned to run and warn the other guys.

As he turned away, he heard a voice say, "Coooommmmmeee clooooserrrrr DEMYYYyyyy". And so, he did, because he is kind of stupid.

"But it says on the door, 'Keep Out', in blood-drenched writing," Demy insisted, pausing a few meters away from the door. "And it also says, 'Deal with IT', so I am trying to deal even though I may need to change my underwear after this." Demy was always a little forthcoming, even to creepy doors.

"Cloooooossserrrrrrr," The door continued to insist.

"Um...okay." Demy agreed, because like we said, he's kind of dumb.

"RAAAAAAARRR!" Leshe went flying out of the door and falling onto his friend Demy. "Boy, I got you good, didn't I, you're so stupid Demy!"

"AHHHHH!" Demy continued to scream.

"Why are you screaming, I've already done my prank for the day, let's go," said Leshe.

And at that moment, Tim Curry, dressed in a clown suit, flung open the door and grabbed onto both Demy's and Leshe's ankles, dragging them through the door to that alternate dimension that had scared Demy so.

No one else knew what happened, and to this day the KH clan is still looking for (the remains of) Demy and Leshe. Yeah, thanks a lot Uncle Filbert, also known as IT.


End file.
